To be, …OR NAH?
Certainly having Tegan in my life has meant that I feel inherently supported, because I have someone who is like me and who is going through a lot of the same experiences I am. My life would be entirely different if Tegan were straight. I’ve always had this person who reflects, for good and for bad, so much of me. We look the same, and we enjoy so many of the same things and have so many of the same ideas about the world. We have this band and we also share this culture and identity of being queer.
I can say all that now as an adult in my 30s, when I’ve built a whole language for myself around that identity - but when I was 15, 16, 17, I didn’t have any of that. In fact, I had no idea if I was really gay or if Tegan was gay. I didn’t understand any of that. I was astoundingly confused and blind about what was really going on, and there was lots of loneliness in that.
Talking about feeling isolated within the queer community is so hard. It’s hard enough when you just sort of exist within a community and sometimes you feel like they’re actually not representative of you or like that’s all you have. It’s complex, and there was a time in my life where I felt all of those things. It gets even more complex when you are a public person and now you represent both people. You feel sometimes there’s a burden there, and sometimes you feel proud and other times you feel like everybody is mad at you because you’re not saying the things they would say. It’s complicated.
My mum like, I don’t know how many people like actually deal with internet and stuff like that but my mum goes onto the chatrooms, like the Tegan and Sara chatrooms and stuff and she says that our fans talk about having sex with us a lot. I just want to take this opportunity right here. I’m not pointing fingers but, my mum is like obsessed with the idea that people are talking about this stuff… I think it’s pretty funny, I just think it’s fucked up that my mum goes there in the first place… But now my dad has started going… The real dad, the blood dad, he’s obsessed with it too.
Sara: “I think that there is a lot of sexual shame in America, you don’t see a lot of sexual images, like you turn on MTV and everyone is like covered up, I mean we’ve just become an uncomfortable society with our own bodies. Like, I could start a movement, for example if you wanted to cover yourself with soap and rub yourself along the front of a car in a video, there is nothing wrong with that. For example, one time, not even for a music video, I went over to Tegan’s house the other day, and she was washing her car and then we just, we just took all our clothes off and rolled around in the suds…”
Tegan: “One: I don’t own a car, I don’t even have a driver’s license. Two: We don’t live in the same city. Three: Just the idea that you had that thought in your head makes me feel sad inside. Deep, deep, deep sadness that will motivate me to sing all the sad songs that i’ve ever written tonight.”